Stop! Please! All you worries, fears, concerns... DISAPPEAR and NEVER come back!!! Why are you in my head?? Where do you originate from?? I should be thrilled right now... happy that some of the dreams I had for myself are finally becoming reality. I'm having a child, starting a family of my very own, and am sharing my life with a man that's perfect for me. I have a crazy amount of support from every direction and I love my family as well as his.
But its all happened so fast...
I feel like I'm stealing all of the plans Casey had for himself and making him go down a completely different path. As soon as he woke up yesterday morning the first words out of his mouth as he looked at me were "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." WHY do I have to keep judging myself??? This first thing that flashed in my head when he said that is why? Why me? I'm not very special in any way. I look around and see what others can offer, like a career that can better help to support this child, some kind of talent, I dunno theres tons of things.... things that I dont have. I have a heart, yes, but where does that get me?
Casey has everything. He has a great heart, a great soul, can make you laugh at any moment, has goals and priorities, an amazing family, morals and standards that you dont see people these days carrying, hes handsome, he works hard for the things he has, career oriented but still keeps family as a #1 priority, always has a smile of his face, knows just what to say and when to say it, has a way with words, he has fun with whatever he's doing, has an amazing sense of humor, knows who he is and what he wants... I could go on an on an on.... hes practically "super Casey" (yea i know that's cheesy) in my mind! I know I have the most amazing guy out there far!!! But why does he want me?
Why do I continue to doubt myself? Why cant I just be happy and realize there IS a reason he wants me? All these fears I have are going to do nothing but tear me apart and hinder Casey and I from moving on to the next step. I know this... so why cant I just STOP?!?! Will he marry me one day? I dont want to push the topic with him since I feel like I'm already taking so much... but if were going to live together, we have this child together, we've had no arguments or disagreements what so ever, we both love each other, then why not get married or at least engaged? I know we haven't known each other for very long but I think sometimes you just known when somethings ment to be.
I have SO much fun when I'm with Casey! We can be alone just layin in bed and laugh the whole time, we can be around others (it doesnt matter who) doing god knows what and have a blast, it doesnt matter what we do or where we are it's always entertaining!! He makes me happier and more comfortable than anyone else ever has!! SO WHY am I struggling even just a little? AHHHHHH!!!
You give yourself far to little credit. Ever heard the saying "birds of the feather...?" You and Casey have a lot in common, a lot of good qualities. You compliment each other, and better yet, where one of you lacks the other makes up for. You've been blessed! Just say "thank you God!" and continue to let Him work in the lives of you, Casey and your baby :) xoxo
ReplyDelete