New Beginnings?

July and August... Wow! what a ride to say the least.

I've ended something in my life that did nothing but bring me down, and now I've found something that lifts me up more and more as time goes on. I still don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, I have no solid career, I'm still living at home and working for my mom, and I'm still trying to completely comprehend who I really am and what I'm meant for. But does anyone really know what there meant to do? I dunno. The only thing I know for sure is that at this time in my life I'm living for one thing, to carry and have this child that's growing inside me.

When I found out that I was actually pregnant it came as a total shock.. its the very last thing I ever expected! But it happened and I couldn't ask for a better man than Casey for this be happening with. I'm just now approx. 7 weeks along and it has changed the way I think about EVERYTHING! But I'm scared. I dont know what to expect. I have no clue whats going to happen the next few mths, the mood swings I'm going to experience, the changes my body will go thru, how Casey will react. I'm scared not only because of this child but because I really havent known Casey that long. Will he really stand by me like others have said? I've dated some pretty harsh guys before that all put on a face at the beginning... that make me think there someone they're not... I always put all my faith in them and get let down and hurt. It has nothing to do with Casey because I want to have all the faith in the world in him, he really is someone I feel like I can trust with all my heart and soul... but I cant help but to think what if. I still cant get these creeping worries and thoughts in my head about if this child is actually his (even tho I'm almost 100%positive it is)... will he stick around if its not? I just need to stop... Casey is an amazing man, someone that I am lucky just to have in my life much less to have love me. Our morals, beliefs, and lives are so similar it scares me sometimes. He's the most devoted man that is full of heart, passionate that I know. He's carefree, caring, funny, outgoing, honest, full of life, smart, and every other positive adjective in the book that I cant think of right now!! I know the "new" feeling will wear off and we'll get out of the honeymoon stage, but I dont see us ever falling out of love. This is the first time I can honestly say I don't see anyone but him, and this family that we are starting.

What direction should I go in now? We want to move in together as soon as his house is complete, but what else should we do? I want him to want to be with me because hes in love with me, because he wants to be with me, not just for a child. Do we get married? How can I afford this child with the small amount of money I make? Am I even going to be a good mother? Should I get another job to save up before he/she is born?

Casey is SO excited to have a Casey baby... a little Jones to call his own, to love and cherish, and I know he'll be an amazing father. He's SO protective over me, always reminds me to take my vitamins, tells me he loves me a million times a day, shows me how much he wants to be with me with the little things he does, makes me lock the door when I stay in the truck somewhere, wont move the car until I have my seat belt on, he calls just to check on me, and spends all of his time with me once he's off work. So why do I question him? Just because of my past and for some stupid reason I'm questioning myself? I dont see what he sees in me, but I can promise him one thing. I will always treat him with the utmost respect, love and Cherish him, be completely devoted to him, always try and make him happy, always let him be Casey Jones without having to hold anything back, I'll always be honest to him and show him how much he means to me. Is it crazy that he means so much to me already?

Sorry my minds so all over the place...

When it comes to the little one growing inside of me it really is amazing how it changes the way you think, the things you do, the way you act immediately. It's not a problem for me to not drink, to not be around cigarettes, to not drink but one soda a day (which is what I lived off of lol), to take it easy and relax instead of being "wild and crazy", it came natural to stop actually thinking about myself and think about what I need to do for him/her to be happy and thrive once he's born, and to think about Casey. All I want now it to start this family and do everything in my power to make them love life like my family did for me.

Casey and I have SO much support from every direction that I dont know how we could not succeed. My family absolutely adors him and his family from what I can see at least seems to enjoy me. I feel at home at his parents house and being around his entire family and he seems to be able to make himself right at home with mine! I absolutely adore his parents, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews that I have gotten the privilege to meet! Everyone seems really happy for us.. there all excited and love the fact that we're going to be having another addition to the families (even though we could have handled this in a more traditional way... and gotten to know each other better before all of this happened). We've gotten tons of people offering to babysit and saying that they'd do whatever they could to help if we need it. So... why am I so worried? Is it just a normal thing?